Saving unwanted babies

PETALING JAYA: A non-profit organisation has set up the country’s first baby hatch for mothers to anonymously leave their unwanted newborns to be put up for adoption.

The hatch has a small door which opens to an incubator bed.

Once a baby is placed inside it and the door is closed, an alarm bell will alert the staff.

Risnawati Yassin, 35, who had no children after being married for five years, getting her two-month-old adopted child Mohd Farid Fatah Abdullah snuggled up inside a baby hatch that was launched yesterday. The hatch, launched by OrphanCARE, is designed to reduce the incidence of abandoned babies. — NORAFIFI EHSAN / The Star

 

Located at 6, SS1/24A, Kampung Tunku here, the hatch is run by OrphanCARE, a smart partner of the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry.

OrphanCARE patron, the Sultanah of Pahang Sultanah Kalsom, said she hoped the establishment of the hatch could protect newborn babies and ensure that they would be placed in suitable families.

“Frequently, we read about cases of newborn babies being left on the streets or on a stranger’s doorstep.

“It can only come from an act of a mother’s desperation. Saving even a single life would make our efforts worthwhile,” she said in her speech at the launch of OrphanCARE’s administration and operation centre as well as the baby hatch.

Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil said the increase in cases of babies being abandoned was a disturbing trend.

Between 2005 and 2009, the police reported 407 such incidents in the country and 24 cases were recorded as of April this year.

Shahrizat said fear of punishment and disapproval of those around them usually compelled women or couples with unwanted babies to abandon them.

However, she stressed that the baby hatch was not an end-all solution to the problem.

“Such initiatives are part of the solution, a necessary stopgap measure to provide desperate mothers with an alternative to abandoning or taking the life of their child,” she said.

Shahrizat, who wept during her speech, said: “When I saw the baby hatch, I was heart-broken.”

She said the Government alone could not solve the problems and that parents should understand their responsibilities as well.

OrphanCARE president Datuk Adnan Mohd Tahir said women who dropped off their babies were encouraged to sign a consent form and leave their identification card numbers, which would be kept confidential.

The forms are placed outside the centre next to the hatch, he said, adding that the mothers’ details were important for the future of the babies.

So far, the organisation has nearly 200 parents on its list waiting to adopt unwanted babies, he added.

At the event, Shahrizat also announced a RM100,000 allocation from her ministry for OrphanCARE’s baby hatch programme.

Plans are afoot to set up more baby hatches in other areas.

Development of a child's digestive system

By Prof Dr Christopher Boey Chiong Meng

ONE of the most joyful experiences in life is when we welcome a baby into this world. Most mothers delight in the experience of nurturing, cuddling, and breastfeeding their little ones. At birth, your baby is dependent on you for almost every single aspect of his life and survival – he cannot walk as his central nervous system has not fully matured nor can he talk as his brain is still developing.

However, your baby is able to fully enjoy the nutritional benefits breast milk provides as his digestive system is mature enough to digest it at the time of his birth.

Gut development

When a foetus is formed in his mother’s womb, three layers of cells gradually develop to become the three main components of his body. The first layer forms the nervous system and sensory organs while the second layer forms his muscular, circulatory, and skeletal systems. The third layer of cells forms the digestive system. Your baby’s intestines start to develop as early as week five of pregnancy.

During the third month of foetal development, the foetus’ stomach cells start to secrete fluid. Waste that forms from the foetus goes through the placenta and into mother’s blood. This means that the digestive system has already started functioning even during the foetal stage.

At birth, your baby’s digestive system is still developing and maturing. At this point, he is not ready to accept other types of food except breast milk.

At about six months, your baby’s digestive system is mature enough to digest more complex and solid food substances, like starch, protein, and fat in a non-milk diet. At this stage, he’s ready to be introduced to solid foods (complementary food). It is recommended that you continue giving your child breast milk as he gradually gets used to eating solid food.

In his early childhood, your child’s digestive system continues to mature. The first two years are the most critical. The gut microflora established during this period can greatly influence your child’s long-term immunity. If your child’s digestive health is poor and he is malnourished at this point, his growth and development will be jeopardised.

Within your baby’s gut

At birth, your baby’s gut is sterile. As soon as you start breastfeeding, bacteria are introduced into your baby’s gut. Mother’s breast milk has several beneficial bacteria, e.g. bifidobacteria and lactobacillus, which are crucial for your baby’s gut health. The number of bacteria, both the good and bad bacteria, increases rapidly in the baby’s first few days of life.

As your baby grows, his gut microflora established during his first two years stabilises, and it usually maintains a balance until he reaches adulthood.

A healthy gut microflora ecosystem is essential to your baby’s overall health. Babies that don’t have the right balance of gut bacteria are likely to be more prone to colic (gas and pain in the abdomen), and are believed to be at greater risk of developing allergy (e.g. eczema) and asthma when they grow up.

Breastfed vs. bottle-fed

Breastfeeding can help your child achieve optimal growth, development, and health. Studies have suggested that children who are breastfed have significantly fewer gastrointestinal, ear, urinary, and respiratory infections. Breast milk is rich in antibodies and it can better protect your child against infections. Breast milk will also encourage the colonisation of good bacteria in the newborn’s gastrointestinal tract.

Formula fed babies’ gut microflora have been found to be different from breastfed babies. Formula-fed infants tend to have far less bifidobacteria, a bacteria that contributes towards the development of healthy gut microflora. Some studies suggest that there is increased risk of atopic eczema in infants who are given formula milk compared to those who are exclusively breastfed.

Moreover, bifidogenic factors that are found in breast milk help to boost the growth of beneficial bacteria in the gut, which lessens the risk of diarrhoea and other intestinal illnesses. In other words, breast milk keeps the digestive system in good condition.

It is therefore essential to breastfeed babies, especially during the first few days of life. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends that mothers breastfeed their children exclusively for at least the first six months and continue breastfeeding their child up till the age of two years. In fact, both UNICEF and WHO encourage mother’s to breastfeed up to two years, if possible. This is because children’s immune systems are not as strong yet, so they need more protection, which breast milk can provide.

Care for your child’s digestive health

You might think the digestive system is merely to help us digest food, but the truth is, it plays a much bigger role. Without a healthy digestive system, your child can’t get all the nutrients he needs to grow properly and stay healthy. A problematic gut can affect your child in several ways, including his body weight, nutritional status, immune system, and even his emotions.

Your child’s digestive system is his “food processing machine”. Food must first be adequately broken down and properly absorbed before it can be utilised by his body. If any part of the process goes wrong, your child’s nutritional status is at risk, and when this happens, it may affect his physical as well as cognitive development.

Your child’s digestion affects his metabolic rate, which in turn affects his overall weight. Good digestion helps optimise metabolism. When your child is not properly nourished, it interferes with nutrient breakdown, absorption, and metabolism, which leads to accumulation of toxins in the body.



This makes sense as your digestive tract makes up the largest surface area in your body and is exposed to an enormous amount of food during a lifetime.

So, if you want your child to grow and stay healthy for many years to come, start taking good care of his little tummy now.

Prof Dr Christopher Boey Chiong Meng is a professor of paediatrics and consultant paediatric gastroenterologist. This article is not in any way intended as a substitute for medical attention. When in doubt, please consult your doctor. This article is courtesy of the Malaysian Paediatric Association’s Positive Parenting Digestive Health Initiative and the Malaysian Society of Gastroenterology & Hepatology that is supported by an educational grant from Vitagen Healthy Tummies Programme. For further information, please visit www.mypositiveparenting.org. To know more about children’s digestive health, please contact 03-56211408 or 03-56323301 for a free digestive health booklet by the Malaysian Paediatric Association’s Positive Parenting in collaboration with the Malaysian Society of Gastroenterology & Hepatology.

The lowdown on feeding newborns cow's milk

by Dr Milton Lum

MANY Malaysian mothers do not breastfeed their newborn babies. The babies are given bottled milk at birth or within a few months after birth. The bottled milk is usually derived from cow's milk which comprises protein, fat, sugar, vitamins and minerals mixed with water. Some babies are allergic to the proteins in cow's milk. This occurs despite the efforts of the milk manufacturers to produce bottled milk that is as close to mother's breast milk as possible.

It is generally accepted that about 1% to 5% of infants are allergic to the proteins in cow's milk and its various formulations.

Nasty reaction: Up to 5% of infants are allergic to the proteins in cow's milk and its various formulations. To avoid the allergy it is advisable to breastfeed the baby for six months or more.

Most infants will, fortunately, outgrow the milk allergies by the time they are two or three years old.

Milk allergy has to be distinguished from lactose intolerance. The former involves the body's immune system but the latter does not. Milk allergic reactions occur with the smallest amount of milk consumed.

Lactose intolerance is usually dose related - small amounts are tolerated by the body but larger amounts lead to a reaction which may mimic milk allergy.

Lactose intolerance is of slower onset than milk allergy and is not life-threatening. It is a harmless condition.

Milk intolerance is due to lactose intolerance which is the inability of the gastrointestinal system to absorb lactose, the primary sugar in milk and milk products such as milk powder, butter, margarine, cheese, yoghurt and chocolate. The lactose composition of milk products can be found by reading the labels of the products.

Lactose comprises two sugars bound together. Its absorption can occur when it is split up into two smaller sugars by an enzyme called lactase which is produced by the cells lining the small intestine. If the amount of lactase is low or absent, the body cannot or would have difficulty in splitting the lactose into two smaller sugars. The lactose then passes into the large intestine where the bacteria there cause it to ferment, producing a large amount of gas.

The amount of lactase in the intestine is high in babies. As the baby grows, the amount of milk consumed decreases leading to a reduction in the amount of lactase in the intestine.

Many Asians are at risk of developing lactose intolerance unlike adults in Europe and North America. Many people develop lactose intolerance when they have diarrhoeal diseases, during which the lining of the small intestine is slightly damaged by the frequent bowel movements. This results in a reduced production of lactose by the cells lining the small intestine.

Other causes of lactose intolerance are diseases of the stomach or intestines and its surgical treatment.

There are, however, some people who have low lactase levels but who are not lactose intolerant. The reason for this is unknown. The symptoms of lactose intolerance are abdominal distension and/or colic, stomach rumbling, increased passage of wind, nausea and diarrhoea.

There is marked variation in the symptoms of lactose intolerance. Some people do not have problems but others have symptoms with a small amount of lactose. Some do not have problems with certain foods which contain lactose but cannot tolerate other lactose-containing foods.

Self diagnosis of lactose intolerance is not difficult. This is done by refraining from consumption of lactose containing foods for a few days and then drinking two to three glasses of milk. If there is a tummy ache or diarrhoea within 30 minutes or so, it is likely that there is lactose intolerance.

The diagnosis of lactose intolerance can be confirmed by tests done by the doctor. One test involves measuring the blood sugar before and after drinking a lactose containing fluid. If the blood sugar is increased, there is no lactose intolerance. Another test involves analysing the breath for hydrogen gas after drinking a lactose-containing fluid. Hydrogen gas will be present if there is lactose intolerance as the lactose-containing fluid will be fermented by the bacteria in the large intestine. If one has an endoscopic examination, which involves passing a tube-like instrument into the stomach and intestine, the lining of the small intestine may be analysed.

Treatment

The treatment of lactose intolerance depends on the severity of the symptoms. If the symptoms are mild, all that is necessary is to reduce the consumption of milk and milk products. If the symptoms are severe, a lactose-free diet would be necessary. The doctor will, in such situations, refer the patient to a dietician who will advise on the composition of a lactose-free diet.

Lactose intolerance can be prevented by abstaining or reducing the consumption of milk and milk products when one has diarrhoea or has just recovered from it.

There are two ways in which cow's milk allergy present: gradually or suddenly. It usually presents gradually before the baby is six months old. The clinical features commonly occur with the passage of loose stools, blood in the stools, vomiting, colic, irritability and poor growth.

It can also present suddenly and rapidly with vomiting, wheezing, swelling of the skin and eyes, and rarely, anaphylactic shock, which is a sudden and severe allergic reaction involving the whole body and which is life threatening. This usually occurs soon after contact with the cow's milk allergen. Both the cardiovascular and respiratory systems are affected with marked changes in the blood pressure and breathing difficulties. Most babies will outgrow their allergy to cow's milk by the time they are two to four years of age.

Cow's milk allergy may also be associated with other allergies like eczema and asthma. If the cow's milk allergy is not addressed adequately, it may lead to effects on growth with failure to thrive and nutritional deficiencies. The management of cow's milk allergy is premised on avoiding cow's milk. This would include a breastfeeding mother avoiding dairy products in her diet, lest it be transmitted to the baby in the breast milk.

The formula for bottle-fed babies has to be changed to one that is soy or hydrolysate-based. The latter contain cow's milk proteins which are less allergenic because they have been broken down. If the allergy is severe, an amino acid based formula is used. Most manufacturers market “hypoallergenic” formula products.

It is important to remember that there is cross allergy between cow's milk and soy milk in up to 50% of the late onset type of cow's milk allergy and 15% of the rapid onset type. If the allergy is severe, treatment with medicines like anti-histamines and adrenaline will be necessary. Vitamin supplementation may also be necessary.

If there is a family history of allergies (eczema and asthma), it is advisable to totally breastfeed the baby for six months or more. This will delay the onset of symptoms if the baby has cow's milk allergy. There are other benefits of breastfeeding which include improved immunity for the child and bonding.

If one wants to provide cow's milk in a child's diet, this may be done when the child is 12 to 18 months old. However, it is advisable to do this under medical supervision. It is important to check all food labels and avoid any food that contains milk or milk products. Advice from a doctor or dietician would be useful if one is unsure.

Dr Milton Lum is a member of the board of Medical Defence Malaysia. This article is not intended to replace, dictate or define evaluation by a qualified doctor. The views expressed do not represent that of any organisation the writer is associated with.

Parenting Children - Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Parenting children is not easy! We all love our kids and want the best for them, right? But what if our habits and everyday behaviours are having a negative impact on our child's development? If you knew what you were doing wrong would you do something to change it? Would you want to be a better parent?

At school they stand out like beacons. They always arrive late to school looking like they just rolled out of bed. They don't have their homework completed on time and that important excursion note that was due back today remains unsigned in their school bag. They forgot to pack their lunch and aren't quite sure who is picking them up after school. Their belongings are un-named and not a day goes by without losing something. Their teachers label them as unreliable and their classmates would prefer to play with somebody else who isn't constantly in trouble.

What we might not see is the child's parent who makes a habit of turning up late to everything even when there is no real reason to do so. The parent who leaves everything to the last minute like ordering the school books for the new school year only to find that the book shop has run out of supplies and will need to back-order. The parent who never has time to read the school newsletter and doesn't realise that tomorrow is plain clothes day or that Monday is a pupil-free day. Parenting children to this parent is something you only need to think about after something goes wrong.

These are common traits of disorganisation found in most of us at some time or another. But when they become ingrained into our everyday functioning and spill over into our parenting then the impact on our children can be profound. The child of a chronically disorganised parent is often de-sensitized to preparing ahead for any event and will suffer the consequences both now and later in life. They will most likely find regimented school life difficult and will never enjoy the carefree feeling that today is going to be a good day. Instead, each day will be filled with the expectation that bad news is to come. With child depression at spiralling levels, parenting children the right way has never been more important.

The good news is that it is never too late to change. Put yourself in your child's shoes for a moment and think about how much easier his life would be if he had the skills to pre-plan and be organised. Now adopt that skill set in your own life first and show him by example how it is done. Parenting children isn't such a mystery. Get organised, be a better parent and both you and your child will reap the lifelong benefits.

Author: Janeene Baker

Article Source: EzineArticles.com

Provided by: Canada duty rates

Child Dental Care: Fantastic Advice For You To Follow

By Dawn Enstruthe

Dental care for children is an important side of the general well being of a child. Youngsters are from time to time at risk to dental problems which make a child sick and often affect the child psychologically. Children suffer a lot from the critical problem of tooth decay.

Dental care for children is therefore a major portion in the life of a child which has its negative effects also when the teeth display critical difficulties. One of the major problems in childhood is the sufferings of tooth decay, which takes its toll on perhaps a good number of children.

The parents of youngsters have a duty to teach their wards the process to take care of the health of teeth. Tooth brushing of teeth with hardly takes any time however is an essential step for the dental care of kids. Parents should take care of the food that youngsters take regularly. They should teach the kids to abstain from excessive ingestion of sugar, sweets, chocolates and other materials of this type.

Kids must learn the correct procedure of brushing of teeth and ought to avoid too much of food which contain sugar in volume for instance the cold drinks, chocolates and such like. If there incurs any problem of the teeth the child should be taken to a qualified dentist to look into the problem and his advise.

Quite a lot of factors constitute the teeth problem in children. The chief cause is created by the repeated intake of soft drinks, chocolates and other fancy sweet preparations. The repeated brushing of teeth helps to keep away the bacteria that accumulates on the teeth as a soft layer of plaque and eats up the teeth from within. These bacteria are responsible to create acid from the sugary portion of the food and spoils the enamel of the teeth and hence the problem of tooth decay occurs.

Bring a limit to the sugar intake through chocolates, drinks, sweets and the likes. As an alternative give the child fresh fruits and vegetables. Two times tooth brushing with fluoride toothpaste is undertaken with a circular motion which must be guided by you. Take the assistance of the dentist in this respect.

Brushing of teeth two times a day with fluoride toothpaste tends to keep the teeth free of any difficulty. Parents should take interest in the dental care for children.

About the Author:

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The Wonder Years

Childwise by Ruth Liew

Nature provides an abundance of opportunities for children to learn and explore.

MY nephew celebrated his seventh birthday in a park two weeks ago. I gave him a “wonder box” for a present. He is a great collector of things that fascinate him. From a young age, he would collect insects, leaves, stones and twigs.

His “wonder box” was intended to enhance his curiosity of the world around him. I included “tools” that will help him in his discovery of the world when he goes out exploring – useful things like a magnifying glass, string, pencil and notebook, rubber bands and a pair of scissors.

Learning experience: Children playing with fish at the Pulau Payar Marine Park in Kedah. Children use their five senses to discover the world.

A child’s sense of wonder is an integral part of his life. Children are curious about their world and the things around them. They are patient with small creatures around them. They often wonder what clouds are made of.

Many adults have been amazed by how intent and patient a two-year-old can be when he follows an ant trail. You may even have seen a three-year-old chasing after a dragonfly in the garden.

Through the child’s eyes, adults can take delight in sharing the wonder and awe that nature inspires in each of us, regardless of our age or the environment we live in.

To nurture this keen appreciation of nature, children need a significant adult in their lives to share their interest. Parents and teachers can even rediscover the wonders around us if they allow the child to be their guide.

As children’s eagerness to learn increases, adults can help by providing resources for them to work with. They can offer guidebooks or help them to do a search in the Internet.

Don’t worry if you know nothing about the rhinoceros beetle or coniferous plants. You can learn alongside your child as he explores nature. You don’t have to have all the answers; just show enough enthusiasm to spur your child’s interest.

Children are spontaneous when they explore. They do not think about what they know or what they do not know. They just pick up ideas as they go along. They use their five senses to discover the world. They listen, look, smell and touch to find the answers to their questions

Observation is a powerful tool for children to gain knowledge and skills.

Young children watch and listen to those older and more skilled than them. They pick up language better when they hear it being used in conversations.

Children learn a lot when they watch people at work. These days, when machines perform most work, children hardly see fine craftsmen in action. It will benefit them greatly if their parents can show them how tailors sew clothes, how carpenters make furniture or how bakers bake cakes.

Young children absorb what goes on around them. They need a stimulating environment. You can provide this by allowing your your child to explore and experiment. Make a mess and find out what it feels like. Talk about everything. Read aloud to your child so that he can hear the wonderful sounds you make.

Some may say that children need to be taught and trained by adults to gain important lessons in life. They insist that children cannot learn much from their observations.

Critics have always considered child’s play as frivolous and time wasting. Contrary to their ideas, children gain greater knowledge and skills from play. The over-zealous adult who intervenes with children’s learning may do more harm than good.

Take time to observe your young child at play with other children. You will probably hear them negotiating and making up rules as they go along. Children learn to communicate and cooperate with one another. They also learn to solve problems and think critically.

One child might say: “You start running and I will follow.” When they are playing with children of mixed ages and abilities, they will have to adapt their play to fit everyone’s needs.

These play experiences help promote children’s social, cognitive, language and physical development.

Instead of allowing your child to sit for hours watching “educational” television programmes, take him out to the garden or the park. Talk about the living organisms that exist in the outdoors. Compare the different plants and listen to your child tell you what he observes.

Your child needs concrete experiences to learn about living and non-living things.

Children should be allowed to climb over, crawl under, and come into contact with dirt, sand, mud and just about anything there is in nature that is meant for them to experience and enjoy.

Abandoned by their kids

Was relaxing and taking things easy this Sunday morning while browsing through the online newspapers when I came across the article below which made me feel sad and depressed.

It is undeniable these incidents happens but is this truly the best solution or just an easy way out?

Is this the way to repay your parents and elders for all their love, sacrifices and support while bringing you up?

How will you feel if one day your own children treats you the exact same way? ... what goes around comes around you know. Your children might not understand what is going on now but they may think that this is the 'right' thing to do later.

Teach our children the right values. Spend quality time with them and make sure that they learn all the important family values and not rely on our education system or educators to do that.

Lead by example and let us work towards ensuring that less cases of abandonment of the elderly occurs in the future.

TheStar Online (July 26, 2009)

Reports by FOONG PEK YEE, YUEN MEIKENG, R.S.N. MURALI, MARTIN CARVALHO, ROSLINA MOHAMAD, C.S NATHAN, TAN SIN CHOW and FARIK ZOLKEPLI

KUALA LUMPUR: Uncle Chen (not his real name) was brought to Ampang Hospital after suffering a fall. He has never seen home since then and is now living at the Kim Loo Ting Hong Ying Old Folks Home in Setapak here.

Chen, 74, recalls seeing a man whom he recognised as his son while he was in the hospital. He had happily thought that he was going to be taken home to his son’s house, only to watch helplessly as the man disappeared from sight.

When a social welfare volunteer confronted the man after Chen had pointed him out, the man denied knowing him or having any family ties to him.

That was five months ago, and even though he knows he has been abandoned by his children – he also has a daughter – Chen refused to be angry with them.

“As a parent, we never bear grudges against our children,” he said, wiping away tears.

Bereft and alone: Ng looking daze as he is interviewed by Lim at the Penang Hospital recently.

Attempts to locate Chen’s son and his next of kin by the welfare home and the hospital staff failed as the home where Chen’s family members lived is no longer there.

He is one of several parents who were abandoned in public hospitals at a time when they should be spending their “golden years” with their family.

Children who could or would no longer bear the cost of taking care of their aged and infirm parents are treating hospitals like a “dumping ground” because food, shelter and medication are provided by the Government.

And it saves them the hassle of applying for places for their parents in government-run welfare homes.

Another senior citizen, Ng Ah Kow, who was left at the Penang Hospital, kept saying “Wa ai tui chu, tapi bor lui” (Hokkien for “I want to go home but I have no money”) during an interview.

According to the hospital’s medical social services department head Lim Bee Ean, Ng, 68, was ready to go home after being discharged on May 13 but no one has come to pick him up.

Ng said only his older sister Kam Looi had visited him once in the hospital, about a week after he was warded for fainting during a routine check-up on April 14.

“She said she wanted to take me home but did not have money for the bus fare and to settle my medical bills. I have not seen her since then,” recalled Ng.

In Kajang, Mahmud Rahmad, 58, cuts a lone figure as he tends the garden in the compound of the Nur Hasanah Welfare Centre.

“I am sad about being left alone but I understand that my children have their own lives to lead,” said Mahmud, a former security guard who has been living on his own. He was sent to the hospital by a taxi driver after he collapsed.

Mahmud, a diabetic with a heart ailment, was sent to the welfare home last June after hospital authorities failed to contact his two children.

It is the same sad story for Ramu, 72, who has been stranded at the Tuanku Jaafar Hospital in Seremban for months now following the authorities’ failure to contact his family members.

The address given by his relatives when they admitted him at the hospital does not exist and Ramu is now waiting to be placed in an old folks home.

Hospital director Dr Jaafar Che Mat said most of the senior citizens abandoned at the facility were either cancer, stroke or mentally ill patients.

In Malacca, wheelchair-bound widow Asmah Hassan, 80, has given up hope of living with any of her seven daughters after her husband passed away.

“Three years ago, I was kicked out from the house of one of my daughters in Kuala Lumpur after staying there for a month.

“When I sought shelter in another daughter’s house in Johor Baru, she did not allow me,” confided Asmah, who said she tapped rubber to bring up her children.

It was only after her neighbours reported her case to the hospital that she was finally placed in a home.

A Suitcase Full of Love

A Suitcase Full of Love By Rachel Leung (June 7, 2009)

Leaving home to study taught a young woman that some things never change.

I was studying in London in the late 1970s. That was the beginning of my four-year journey, during which I discovered the most amazing love I have ever known.

I bade a teary farewell to my family at Hong Kong’s Kai Tak Airport. With tears still in my eyes, I boarded the plane, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to hear from them for almost a month.

My flight was delayed for 36 hours at New Delhi. My parents were spared the agony of knowing this news because there were no cell phones for instantaneous communication then. I arrived at Heathrow on a chilly Saturday evening, lugging a large suitcase with one hand and a 1.5-foot long radio-cassette player with the other, and a carrier bag on my shoulder.

Fast forward 28 years and I see my eldest son embarking on a similar journey on his own.

We bade each other farewell at the KLIA, fondly and sadly. There was a lump in my throat, and my eyes were misty. But on the whole, it wasn’t like the separation I had years ago. My son, who had a 3.5kg laptop hanging from his shoulder, a backpack on his back, and a large suitcase, waved me goodbye.

Things change, but the only thing that never changes is the large suitcase that every student carries overseas. It is filled with warm clothing and food that a parent knows her child will miss. Daily essentials like clothes pegs, washing powder, toothpaste, and a rice cooker are carefully packed inside. These are things that the parent knows her child will need during the first few weeks in a foreign land, when he still doesn’t know where to shop. It is a suitcase that contains all the love a child can carry.

Upon settling down at my college dormitory, I set off to write my first letter to my parents. The letter would take more than a week to reach them and I had to wait another week or so before I could hear from them.

Every letter from my family was hastily opened and each word read and re-read. My father replied to every one of my letters without delay. He never said that he loved me in his letters. But through the lines, I knew he must have read my letters umpteen times, trying to make out whether I was happy or not. Was I eating well? How were my studies?

He had many questions to ask me but had to wait for at least three weeks before he could get my reply. In the meantime, he kept reminding me about what he had said before: eat well, put on more layers of clothing, and so on. As a daughter, I called it nagging. Now that I am a mother, I understand that it is called love.

When my son arrived at the Perth airport in Western Australia, he was met by his friend. We heard his voice again eight hours after bidding him farewell. During those hours of being incommunicado, I was agitated, not knowing whether he went through customs alright or not. What if his friend forgot to fetch him?

I thought of my parents and wondered how they could have put up with weeks of uncertainty before my first letter arrived. How did they go through their lives when every minute of their days was spent worrying about me, not knowing whether I had arrived in London or not? And, was I able to find my way to the college?

I only called my parents once a year, during the Chinese New Year. I made the international call at the main post office at Trafalgar Square. When my call was put through, I quickly delivered my prepared message. After all, a three-minute phone call at that time cost me almost a quid, so there was no time for nonsense like, “Mama I miss you”.

We Skype our son at least once a week. We can see each other through webcam. We talk for hours, not only my son and me, but the whole family, at the same time. It is like chatting at the dinner table, except that physically we are miles apart. I am spared the agony of uncertainty, like what my parents went through years ago, when news only came with the postman.

When I graduated, my parents were unable to go to London and share my joy. I sent them my graduation photo which I took at a studio. It’s still hanging on the wall of their living room today. This photo signifies all the sacrifices they had made to give me the best education possible.

Last September, we went to Perth to attend my son’s convocation. Compared with my parents, I had a much easier time when it came to sending children overseas.

I discovered my parents’ love during my four years in London, a love that I never realised was always present until I left them. It is an endless love which is passed from one generation to another.

My sacrifices for my children are insignificant compared to my parents’ for me. I thank them for giving me this endless love, which I can pass on to my children.

Raising Children, What you should know

Raising Children, What you should know By Susan Teo

What’s the best way to raise a child? A million dollar question, which unfortunately has no right answer. Each child is unique, thus no set of rules can apply to all. However there are a few things that you should keep in mind to be on your way to becoming a better parent.

The first thing is to keep cool when things mess up. Getting agitated or panicky during a crisis isn't gonna solve anything! Keep in mind that chances are, the situation that you are facing has happened to someone else. Can you imagine if each time you visited a doctor he got all panicky? He doesn’t because he has seen many cases, thus he remains calm and collected. The patient on the otherhand frets and worries, thinking their ailment is the most serious and unique. So if you want to solve any family problems or conflicts, the most important thing is remain cool.

The second most important rule is to strengthen your team. When we say strengthen your team, we don't literally mean to go out there and increase your family size! What we mean is to make sure that you and your partner are in cahoots with each other on your child raising and discipline philosophies. Spend time talking to each other about important issues like rules and discipline.

It is also very important to discipline consistently. At the end of a hard day it is so easy to give in to a child that is crying or whining...but that is not consistent. It does not teach them and only makes your job as a parent more difficult. Set limits and rules and always enforce them.

You should also ensure that there is order in your childs lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps, bedtimes and chores. Children need schedules and structure in order to feel in control of the world around them. If you have to change the schedule, respect them by telling them about the changes ahead of time.

Also be sure to be a good role model. No matter how much you resist being a role model to your children, you can’t escape it. All kids take pleasure in imitating their parents, so why not be one consciously and effectively?

In addition to that, you should take an interest in their hobbies. Do things together, like reading, walking, playing and cleaning house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually their way of getting your attention.

In the midst of everything else, remember to teach them to stand on their own. Let your child make simple decisions and gently remind them to stand on the decisions that they made. Guide them when they are deciding, tell them the pros and cons of their posible decision. But what ever their decision is, just respect it.

Be sure to also listen to your child. As parents, we sometimes are quick to judge our child's actions or choice of words, that we do not hear their cries for love, attention, or help. We should listen to their feelings, reactions, and opinions. Try to understand their point of view. Look at them when they are talking to show that you are hearing their every word. Put down that book, turn off that television, stop what you are doing and listen!

And finally, practice detachment. The role of a parent is that of a gardener. You don’t create the seed, nor the soil. The potential is already in the seed, you just have to ensure the right conditions for growth. You can loosen the soil a little, so that it may come out easily. Put a fence around it, see that it is not killed by anything, But you can’t control the outcome of the seed.

Thank You Mom Poem

I would like to dedicate the following video to all the beautiful mothers out there!

Little Girl’s Gift of Life

Here is a really touching story of a family's love for their beloved daughter. Despite their loss and sorrow, they still find kindness in their heart to help other families in need.

TheStar Online (January 18, 2009)

PETALING JAYA: When she was alive, Esther Lim Joy-Ern (pic) brought joy to everyone she met. With her passing at the age of two years and nine months, she gave others a new lease on life.

The only daughter of Lim Heng Seng, 56, and Claire George, 30, (they have two sons), Esther died of brain tumour last month in Kota Kinabalu.

Her kidneys were harvested and the recipients are a 17-year-old boy in Sabah and a 12-year-old girl in Malacca.

Her passing is a painful loss to her parents but they did not have any reservations when asked if Esther’s organs could be harvested.

“There was complete peace in my heart,” said her mother.

“It felt like the right thing to do,” Lim added.

“We knew that this gift is reflective of Esther’s life. Her name means joy and grace. Our precious daughter is already in heaven.

“I can only thank God that she was in our life. With her passing, she continues to be a joy and blessing to others,” said George.

She, however, admitted that the concept of harvesting organs was new to her family and she had to convince Esther’s grandmother about its benefits.

The couple is now encouraging others to do the same. They have sons Benjamin Lim An-Yi, six, and Joshua Lim An-Yue, two.

They have also given each other permission to consent to their own organs being harvested.

“The doctors did not push us into doing this and when they handed Esther to us after the procedure, she looked angelic.

“I know the staff had gone out of their way to do their best to save our daughter’s life,” said Lim.

Dr Indra Ganesan, the Consultant Paediatric Nephrologist who was part of the team that coordinated the harvesting process, said both recipients were at the end stage of renal failure and were dialysis-dependent,

“When they received a new donated kidney that functions, they had a life-changing experience. They can now drink unlimited amount of fluids and are no longer dialysis-dependent,” she said.